


The Soldier and The Stranger

by Radclyffe



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:41:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Radclyffe/pseuds/Radclyffe
Summary: John Watson's sister makes a boast about him that he cannot hope to live up to, until a strange man offers to help.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	The Soldier and The Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt 'Fairytale' and based loosely (so loosely you could drive a horse and cart through the gaps) on the Brothers Grimm story Rumpelstiltskin. Just a little bit of nonsense to brighten a January back in lockdown  
> I need to interrogate Tumblr to see if I can find the prompt - sorry will credit this when I have found it.

Once upon a time there was a miller called Harry Watson who was very poor, mainly because she was not a very good miller, often too drunk to do the work, and when she did, she drank the proceeds. Harry Watson had one brother called John, he was a soldier and a healer and very handsome. But he had been injured in the war and couldn’t fight or heal anymore or stop his sister drinking.

It happened one day that Harry Watson came to be in the company of the Queen, and, because boasting went with the drinking, she told her that she had a brother who could spin gold out of straw. The Queen said to the miller, “That is an art that pleases me well; if your brother is as clever as you say, bring him to my castle to-morrow, that I may put him to the proof.”

John knew nothing of this conversation and when Harry said he was to go to the castle John thought maybe the Queen had a commission for him. Instead, the Queen brought him into a room that was quite full of straw, and gave him a wheel and spindle, and said, “Now set to work, and if by the early morning you have not spun this straw to gold you shall die.” And the Queen shut and locked the door and left John there alone. Well, John was not about to take this lying down, so he paced the room and he called the Queen every name under the sun until the air was blue, and he banged over and over again on the locked door but that only meant that his leg got sore, and his fists hurt, and his throat ached until eventually he had to sit down and rest. So, the poor miller's brother was left there sitting, and could not think what to do for his life. He had no notion how to set to work to spin gold from straw, and his distress grew so great that he began to curse again. Then all at once the door opened, and in came a funny sort of man, who was very tall, and very slim and covered head to foot in a heavy, black coat, and who said, “Good evening, Afghanistan or Iraq?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” answered the soldier, "What’s the point of surviving a war if the Queen demands I spin gold out of straw and will take my life if I don’t do it.”

Then the stranger said, “What will you give me if I help you?”

The soldier thought for a moment, as he had very little of value that hadn’t already been sold by Harry to fund her drinking habit. “My dog tags,” he said at last. The stranger took the dog tags, and then he said.

“Straw is an agricultural by-product consisting of the dry stalks of cereal plants after the grain and chaff have been removed, it is quite impossible for it to be transformed by spinning into a soft, yellow, corrosion-resistant, malleable and ductile metal, naturally occurring in veins and alluvial deposits and which has a melting point of 1065°C.”

The soldier got cross again, “I thought you offered to help me, not blind me with science.”

The stranger looked a little shamefaced then grabbed the soldier by the hand and led him out of the room. Together they climbed over gates, clambered across roof tops, and ran along alleyways until they came to the stronghold of a Count who had once belittled the stranger’s talents, although John didn’t know that. The stranger picked the locks while John overpowered the guards, then they went in and helped themselves to as much gold as they could carry.

Back in the castle they leant against the wall of the room and laughed and laughed until their sides hurt.

“That was the most ridiculous thing I have ever done,” the soldier said.

“And you invaded Afghanistan,” the stranger replied.

They emptied the gold onto the floor and threw the straw out of the window into the moat. Then the stranger said goodbye and vanished, and John lay down to sleep for what was left of the night.

At sunrise came the Queen, and when she saw the gold she was astonished and rejoiced greatly, for she was very avaricious. She had the miller's brother taken into another room filled with straw, much bigger than the last, and told him that as he valued his life, he must spin it all in one night. John did not know what to do, he was beginning to be seriously naffed off with the whole situation, so he stomped around for a bit and called the Queen all the bad names he could think of, including some in Dari and Pashto for colour, and he banged over and over again on the locked door but that only meant that his leg hurt, and his fists ached, and his throat got sore until eventually he had to sit down and rest. John felt very sorry for himself and said out loud, “I could do with that tall thin man in the long black coat turning up again to help me.”

Just then the door opened, and his friend from the night before appeared and said, “What will you give me if I help you again?”

“My phone,” answered the soldier, “it belonged to my sister and is the most valuable thing I own.” So, the stranger took the phone, read the inscription, put it in his pocket and then grabbed the soldier by the hand and led him out of the room. Together they shinned down drainpipes, scrambled across roof tops, and scuttled along alleyways until they came to the stronghold of a fabulously wealthy Duke who had once called the stranger a ‘freak’. The stranger picked the locks while John overpowered the guards, then they went in and helped themselves to as much gold as they could fit in a barrow that they stole from a shed for the purpose.

Back at the castle they laughed until their sides hurt, then John made tea and the stranger emptied the gold onto the floor, hid the barrow behind the couch and threw the straw out of the window into the moat. Then the stranger said goodbye and vanished, and John lay down to sleep for what was left of the night.

The Queen rejoiced beyond measure at the sight of the new riches, but as she could never have enough of gold, she had the miller's brother taken into a still larger room full of straw, and said, “This, too, must be spun in one night, and if you accomplish it you shall be my husband, but if by the early morning you have not spun this straw to gold you shall die.” For she thought, _although he is but a miller's brother, he will make me richer than everyone in the whole world, and he is rather handsome, after all._. As soon as the soldier was left alone, the stranger appeared for the third time and said.

“What will you give me if I help you this time?”

“I have nothing left to give,” John replied, “But even if I had, I wouldn’t.”

The stranger was perplexed at this and said so.

John answered him, “If I fill this room with gold then the Queen will make me her husband which frankly, I would rather not be. But if I leave the room full of straw, then she will have me killed. So, you see, I am damned if I do and I am damned if I don’t!”

Now there was a daybed in this room and the stranger, instead of replying, lay down on it, closed his eyes and placed his hands together as if in prayer.

The soldier sat and watched the stranger and marvelled at his stillness, at his beauty and the way he had saved his life twice already; he thought he would be happy just to sit in the man’s presence for the rest of his life.

Perhaps the intensity of John’s gaze disturbed him for suddenly the stranger sat up and said, “if you could have anything at all, what would you ask for?”

John did not hesitate, he answered, “I would spend my days scaling walls, running along alleyways and clambering over rooftops with you. And I would spend my nights… well I would spend my nights, exploring the depths of passion, discovering the heights of desire and making love to you.”

The stranger flushed bright red and blinked. He blinked a lot; John had never considered that a human being could blink quite as much as the stranger could and wondered if he would be called upon to attempt some doctoring. Finally, the man stopped blinking and said,

“Truly, you would rather do that… with me, than marry the Queen and have all the power and pomp that goes with it?”

John quickly replied.

“My leg used to ache, and I walked with a cane but that stopped when I started running along alleyways with you.

“My hand used to shake, and I couldn’t hold a scalpel but that stopped when I started scaling walls with you.

“My head used to be full of sad thoughts but there hasn’t been room for anything else since I met you.

“The Queen only considers me for the wealth I can bring her, but you see me for who I really am, and so if you are willing, I would rather be married to you.”

The stranger looked surprised and pleased for a moment and then he sadly shook his head and said, “Unfortunately, I am married to my work.”

John was taken aback, then asked hopefully, “you wouldn’t consider a divorce?”

The stranger shook his head again, and looked very sad, then he said to the soldier, “I think you had better sit down.”

John sat down on the daybed next to the stranger as he spoke.

“When I was still a boy, I made a vow to devote myself to science, to reason, and I put away all matters that did not conform to the cold hard logic I had dedicated my life and my mind to. You see I had a gift, a very special gift, not merely to see but to observe. So, when I looked at someone, I could tell everything about them. I could tell by a woman’s wedding ring that she was a serial adulterer, or by the state of her knees that she had spent the night with a married man. People took against me, but I cared nothing for it, for as my brother had told me, caring was not an advantage.

“The people I mixed with called me ‘freak’, ‘misfit’, ‘oddball’ or ‘aberration’, but mostly they didn’t address me at all, until so many years had passed since anyone had called me by it, I found that I had deleted my name completely. Therefore, I cannot get divorced from my work as I cannot serve the papers.”

The soldier listened to this sorry story very carefully and when the stranger had finished, he stood up, put his shoulders back and looked squarely at the man and said.

“I care nothing about your given name, because I will call you amazing, and brilliant, and in my heart, I will call you precious, beloved. Now let’s get out of here.”

So, the stranger took John by the hand, and they ran down corridors, climbed stairs and ducked behind curtains until they came to the Queen’s stronghold. There the stranger picked the locks while John overpowered the guards, then they went in and helped themselves to as much gold as they could carry, for they did not think the Queen deserved to benefit completely from her ill-gotten gains. Then they made their escape back to the heart of the city, distributing the gold to everyone they met in need along the way (although the soldier kept a portion back for his troubles).

The soldier and his beloved moved into a shabby but very comfortable little flat in London and they lived very happily there together. The beloved continued to use his amazing powers to solve crimes while John became less of a soldier and more of a doctor as time went on (although he never completely left the soldier side of him behind).

But John was an old-fashioned man at heart and deep down he longed to call his Sweetie his husband. Thus, he tested the waters to see if he could discover his name. He started with the obvious names like Peter, James, and John, then went through an alphabetical list from Aaron to Zebedee. He moved on to rhyming names, Barry, Garry, Harry, and Larry, then more extravagant names beginning with Caspar, Melchior, and Balthazar, but after each his beloved said, “That is not my name.”

John’s mission continued, everywhere he went, and every patient he had at the clinic he would inquire of them the most unusual and singular names they knew, and would return home and say to his Darling, “Perhaps you are called Featherstonehaugh, or Montmorency or Sugarplum?” But the man would shake his head and say, “That is not my name,” (although he answered to ‘Sugarplum’ ever afterwards).

John took to searching the internet for even more unusual names, names like Roast-ribs, or Sheepshanks or Brooklyn but none of them were any good and in the end both John and his beloved were weary of the quest and decided to live as they were.

Then one day John was searching on the internet for something else he discovered a website improbably called _The Science of Deduction._ It hadn’t been updated for a long time and hadn’t had many hits, but its author claimed to be able to identify a software designer by his tie and an airline pilot by his left thumb. It also contained a detailed analysis of 243 types of tobacco ash, but John skipped it and went straight to the author’s name. _Sherlock Holmes_.

When his Sweetie returned from terrorising the officers at Scotland Yard, John sat him down, and told him that he wanted to try an experiment. His beloved liked experiments so he readily agreed. 

John said at first, “Are you called Jack?”, his Sweetie groaned and said, “dull!”. 

Then John asked again, “Are you called Tom?”, and his Sweetie groaned again, and said, “boring! I thought we had agreed to stop this?”

Finally, John said, “Then perhaps your name is Sherlock Holmes?”

Immediately his beloved pulled John into his arms and kissed him firmly on the mouth.

“That’s it,” he cried, “my name is Sherlock Holmes, I am a consulting detective, the only one in the world.”

John decided at that moment, that alongside being a soldier (retired) and a doctor (part time) he would be a blogger and write up the tales of his beloved’s amazing powers of deduction, of the crimes he had solved and the villains he had brought to justice, so that everyone knew the name of Sherlock Holmes and it was remembered for all time.

John and Sherlock were married in the spring, and while the work still played an important part in their lives it no longer came between them. They lived happily ever after (except when Sherlock used all the milk for an experiment, and John threw said experiment away before Sherlock was done with it, and countless other incidents of that ilk, but that was fine, because they always forgave each other, and the make-up sex was sublime!)


End file.
